12.8.12

I am grateful for the lessons in life that are not easy.  Yes, I am.  I understand that when things come to us easily, we may not learn the entire lesson, however, when one struggles with something... there is more of an investment in gaining the lesson.
As my last post stated, I have not been able to shake the feelings I had for someone with whom, I respected (since the Nov. 16th conversation) and as I was having a conversation with a wonderful woman at the holiday party (she reads my blog)  regarding the situation.  She made the point that I either speak to the person or let it go.  Since "letting it go", has not worked.. it's time I let the person know how I feel.  I emailed the person requesting that we speak, I know what I want to say, I just need to not chicken out.
I am not good at these conversations, which is why when someone confronted me at the party about how she knew of me prior to attending Holy Trinity and the connection is not really a good one, I just sat there allowing the conversation rather than speaking up and reminding her that we were at a holiday party and perhaps dredging up someone's past,... not a wonderful thing?  Or having enough courage to tell people not to discuss other personal things there either... instead it was easier to drink scotch! Sometimes, going outside that comfort zone, is not always a good thing.  I am really not sure going to the Christmas party this year was the right thing, but I did it.. and yes, I am proud of myself for going and for actually leaving the door and speaking to people... I am really grateful to JJ, Joan, Cyn and Mae for hosting, Cindy, who brought me, and to Pastor Beth for the great advice... there were fun parts and I am grateful for them.
If I cannot deal with the situation tomorrow and feel that it is resolved, my life and the children's future will change dramatically.... I pray that tomorrow I will have the courage to follow through with my intentions and to allow myself to stand up and speak on my own behalf.  May tomorrow we all seek the serenity of spiritual Sunday.