9/11/14

Dear Heavenly Father,
I am so blessed.  In all these obstacles and hurdles, beacuse of you, I know there is a door.  With you by my side, I know I will find the knob in the darkness.
Amen
Thank you to everyone in my life...especially thr last couple days- K, C, and PM.  Each of you are above amazing and I appreciate the support. Sometimes there are moments it all seems too much and then I am reminded of how each struggle, each climb, each overwhelming moment, makes us learn a little more.  I am so grateful for the reminders.  As this week comes to an end, I am grateful that 13 years later, we have not forgotten.  I am grateful that my faith gets stronger every minute.  It is such an amazing feeling to feel my faith and belief getting stronger.  Over the years, it was just never clear to understand.  I am so blessed I found the courage to reach out.  I certaintly never thought I would have the courage to be an assistant let alone give a blessing with PM right there.  The encouragement is so overwhelming, thank you!!!
<3 Jen

9/3/14

Please pardon my delay in sharing my gratitude... I am so grateful to our Lord for giving me this amazing opportunity to live my life in a way that will Glorify and serve our Lord... I am so grateful and although do not always feel the "writing bug"...  I do each day and night remind myself of my attitude of gratitude.
Right from work, I was given the opportunity to watch Mackenzie in Karate action and see my son laughing and enjoying himself when asked to assist the younger group. (Later his group went and he earned his white belt) I am so proud of him!!!!  It is great to see them both enjoying this!!! Once that was over I was once again given the opportunity to look deep inside and find out more of what makes me who I am.  I may not respond well to this initially, but I really do appreciate the moments of clarity.
"What does nurturing mean to you?" Wow why is that so difficult to answer? "How do those words make you feel?"
Finally I was able to answer,
"Being given the opportunity to feel you matter to the person who is "nurturing" you". HMMM yeah, thanks C..... It was a good thing that HT's Healing Service was right after...  Dear Heavenly Father,Please look out for those who are in need, all who are returning to the classroom and especially help to calm the fears.  I know you hear all the prayers whispered in your ear and I ask that you provide me and those who are in need of answers, the guidance down the right path.  Amen

7/8/2014

What a year can do....One year ago today I started to run the workfirst program again for another non profit. it was a trying year.  I was not happy in the position... a year later I started a training for an interviewing position and turned down an opportunity to walk back into a classroom.  If things were different, perhaps it could have worked.. but really the responsible person in me knew there was no way.  Saturday night, I not only served with my love by my side.... I really did well... I felt how well I did... and was even reminded about how I used to be afraid of standing up in front of the congregation....
I know this is where I am supposed to be in this part of my journey.... working towards finding who I am and who I am to become..... with a love by my side, children following our moves and God directing this journey..... May we all have a wondrous Wednesday... Amen

6/24/14

Three years ago, my friend, his wife, their beautiful girls welcomed two beautiful babies into this world.  Five hours later they said goodbye to Cullen..... There isn't a day that goes by, I do not think about how amazing they all are.  No matter how crazy, no matter how stressful, life IS so precious!!!! Happy 3rd Birthday Cullen and Grady... May our Heavenly Father help you blow out your candles, Cullen and may your wings help Grady....

Tomorrow June 25, 2014- Allison and Taylor leave for their mission trip to Haiti! Please keep them in your prayers. May they serve God by serving those in need! May they be touched as much as those who reach out to them! Heavenly Father, keep them safe on their journey and bring them home to share the Good News of their adventure.
Let's start a prayer chain! Pass this on!
Amen

6/17/14

It seems many signs are coming along this week.  I am receptive to hearing them and trying my best to decipher how each sign should be interpreted.  I am blessed to have God on my side, a very supportive partner and wonderful children in my life.  Thank you for all the support..

Dear Heavenly Father,

I try each and everyday to not only live my life in a way that will glorify You, but that will also help my children to do so as well.  Thank you for standing next to me during this journey.  Thank you for giving me an amazing support system to help guide me along.  I will continue daily to keep the Faith that all will work out the way You want it to and until such time... I will be as patient as possible.

Amen

6/12/14

May we all go to sleep with the knowledge that "Each morning we are born again.  What we do today is what matters most."- Buddha

May tomorrow (Friday the 13th provide you with "a glad & fruitful day" -PM

Dear Heavenly Father,
The opportunity to follow YOUR path is a precious gift.  Thank you for taking my hand as I walk this journey. I understand there is a point and a lesson to learn from all experiences.  I am willing to take on this position if offered.  Knowing it won't be enough (but more than nothing), The hours won't work once the time change (and before than)- HOWEVER it is working with families and children 0-3 and does have medical / dental benefits!!!!!!  Please give a gentle point to my resume on sitting on a pile for review.
Amen

6/11/14

Dear Heavenly Father,
As I sit here... I just want to say.... Thank you.
Amen

6/5/14

Last night I went to bed, thanking our Heavenly Father, for everything HE has given me.  Telling HIM, I trust in HIS wisdom.  Knowing I HAVE faith in HIM and everything WILL be alright.  I woke up telling myself, I CAN and WILL make today a better day.  I turned the hectic moments into nothing more than moments.  I took the stressing tones at work and made them exactly what they were, their issue- not mine.  I answered my phone and accepted a job interview for next week. Tonight, a "new" picture surfaced of my mom....Just as I was thinking about my kids... . I BELIEVE, the timing was another sign from our Heavenly Father, things will be brighter.....
Amen

6/4/2014

I wish I could tell you exactly what was said.  I wish I could tell you exactly what happened.  I wish I could tell you it was a pretty sight... I can't.  What I can tell you,  I was given the opportunity to attend a healing service tonight, and it was really needed.  From the gathering hymn (fighting the tears) to the Homily my emotions started immediately.  I did get the message: Trusting in God, really trusting in God and letting go of the fears and the things I should not control...  I understand I am the one that is preventing myself from seeing what God is trying to show me.  I understand I am the one who needs to have faith.  I understand that I need to do what I can do for myself and my children and that I am doing the best I can.  I understand that although the fear of not having a paycheck is there, I need to have faith, the right thing will come along... Its all up to me.  Nobody else can do this for me.. I need to...." LET GO, LET GOD"..  So that "The dawn from on high will break upon us"

5/30/14

My absolute gratitude goes out to my love.  Not only are you a wonderful support, you step up and ask what you can do to make it easier for me... thank you.  I love you.  It is an amazing feeling.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for showing me what love really is.  Please help to relieve some of the stress.....
Amen

5/27/2014

I couldn't imagine a greater blessing than having an amazing woman by my side...I am so blessed to have been given such an amazing partner.... She is amazing and so supportive.  No matter what, I know you're on my side, thank you.  It's amazing what happens when you ask for help!! I am so blessed to have many people supporting my family right now... thank you all, most of all our Heavenly Father...
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please let the words be sad and the healing begin...
Amen

5/26/2014

On this day to remember those who give their lives in order to give us Freedoms, I wish to thank both Past and Present military and their families for their sacrifices...  Thank you.
As this weekend comes to an end, I really am grateful to have support to make it through this weekend... Thank you.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please let this upcoming week be quiet for my family and loud for employment opportunities..
Amen

5/25/14

I was so blessed to be able to serve again as Communion Assistant alongside two extraordinary women and watch as my son asked and stepped up to be an usher.  Although I made errors, it IS what I needed this morning.  Pastor Mary is the only person I can honestly say can make sense of any part of the Bible to me.  No matter what she preaches on, she makes it relate to every day issues of this century.  Today, was once again not only a remarkable Sermon, it was a reminder of just how down to Earth and human she really is.  Thank you for showing everyone just how vulnerable you are and how even in times in your life you need to see reminders.  Thank you!!!

I do not know if I will ever be able to fully explain the feelings that go through me not only being in church, serving our Lord, but standing up, reading prayers and Bible readings with minimal mistakes. As Pastor Mary said last Monday to me... it's amazing how much I have changed in two years, even just one year..... I recall reading the Advent prayer to Mackenzie while hiding so I was not in view.... Its amazing what encouragement and support can do.  Thank you!!

As this weekend ends, I once again want to thank those who have worked and are working to keep us safe and to provide us with the Freedoms we have.  

Dear Heavenly Father,

My wish is that every Veteran feels the support and gratitude they so deeply deserve especially this weekend. Much like Mother's Day and Father's Day... I truly believe that we need to thank those in uniform everyday. Please provide safety and shelter to all those who are protecting us.

Amen

5/24/14

Words have consequences, I feel this has been uttered out of my mouth non stop all of today. I am hoping that as this day moves to the next, it will be heard and processed.  I am so blessed to have such amazing support in a partner.  I am so grateful not to have been alone, thank you.
My wish is that we all remember and thank all those who have and are serving to give us the rights and freedoms so many of us take for granted.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As you continue to welcome those we say goodbye to, may you continue to show each of us that You are here for us and that they may not be here, but they always will be here guiding us through till our time to join Your celebration comes.
Amen

5/22/14

On this Thursday I am thankful for the support and second chance given to my son.  I pray this new environment will provide him with the atmosphere he needs in order to achieve his full potential. I am looking forward to weekend of focusing on Letting Go... I am looking forward to the lack of plans along with the few scheduled activities.... I am most excited to be able to serve again this Sunday with my love by my side and assisting another amazing woman....
Dear Heavenly Father,
It is truly in my heart that I wish to serve and give back in a productive manner.  I ask you, please help me locate the job that will provide for my family while giving me the feeling of living in a way that will Glorify You.
Amen

5/21/14

Perhaps taking the journey we don't want to take,- is the answers to our prayers.... Did you ever get the feeling sometimes it is more than it seems.  I recall soon after my divorce taking my first trip to Va... I recall the scared yet determined feeling... and the accomplishment I felt after I arrived back safe and sound.  I recall the time the bus almost took us out and how that took me on the journey of opening my heart and mind back up to the world of Faith.
I was ordered to go to Camden today, although I was beyond nervous and annoyed I did as I was instructed to do.  I had no idea where I was going was not in the heart of Camden.. I did not know I would feel relatively safe.. I only knew I was annoyed, scared, and nervous.  I wasn't realizing till tonight.... perhaps it is exactly what I needed to see God is answering my prayer.... I had time to breathe.  Although I was nervous I put on music (normally do not do that) and I just drove.  I didn't stress over EVERYTHING.... I stressed about directions and the rain but I did it.. I did what I needed to do.  I made it through and am better for it.  I am blessed.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As I continue to go down this path, please continue to give me the answers.  I will try to do better to be more open minded to what each circumstance is teaching me.
Amen

5/20/14 COMPUTER FIXED!!

I promised as soon as my computer was virus free, I would get back to being grateful, NOT a minute too soon!!!! Things are completely hectic and overwhelming right now.  I feel like a scatterbrained weak bird who has fallen in quick sand.  It is up over my head and it's difficult to breathe and to push it off my shoulders.  With that all being said.. I am so grateful to have SUPPORT.  I am BLESSED.  I am GIVEN this life, each day IS a blessing.  The struggles are to make me STRONGER.  I know I am NOT ALONE, I have amazing people in my life and my children are blessed to also have so many people cheering them on.  THANK YOU.  Thank you!!!
This past weekend, I was able to serve and though it was difficult to get through.. I did.  As I was reminded on Monday night... I have come a long way in two years.  Terrified to even read a simple prayer, now I am offering to do all the verbal parts to have someone beside me.. I am blessed to be able to serve again this weekend with two extraordinary women.... It means so much to me, thank you!!! I am so grateful.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As you stand along side me, please show me how to breathe! Please show me how to Let Go, Let God. Please show me how to do better.
Amen

3/31/14

Saturday night, I had the pleasure of attending service and going up to be a communion assistant.  It was a pleasure serving with our Bishop.  She is funny and has almost as good sermon as Pastor Mary.. It really felt good and I really felt how much I miss that.  so when I noticed they needed a full serve communion assistant for Sunday morning- I was more excited to have a purpose Sunday morning... To make it less painful (getting up and had to leave).  I did not want to leave where I was, but knew I did not have a choice.. I understood why, but I didn't like it- yes, I know I wasn't the only one who wasn't thrilled about it...  
Not only did I get to serve our Lord, I was up there with three amazing women.. I have not served with my friend Robin in awhile... it was nice and I did pretty well (no real mess ups in the prayers or the names)..... and apparently I have "improved drastically"- yes, this was a compliment?, I received afterward..lol
Anyway, it was just what I needed after such a long emotional week. I needed to feel that purpose again.  I needed to feel that great feeling inside and I did.  It helped to give me the push to come home and clean, purge, and pack.. I really got so much more accomplished...
Having my love back home and finding my way back "home" really helped me this weekend.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You,
Amen

3/28/14

Long Busy day at work... instead of leaving early, I left late!!! Now a weekend of purging and trying to pack.....It's a beautiful thing...
Grateful God helped them all arrive home safe and wish they will all feel his embrace as they make sense of the grief.
Amen

3/27/14

Today is a special day... A day an amazing woman was born.  My life changed two years ago when I was encouraged to reach out to her... Just as my text read to her this morning... I do hope this birthday was as beautiful as your soul, Pastor Mary....
Then one year later.. .I met and fell in love with The love of my life... she will be home tomorrow.  It's been a long emotional week for her and her family and I have struggled with not being able to be there for her.  I am grateful she will be home tomorrow night....
The world is a beautiful place.  I am grateful - Amen

3/26/14

It's an interesting thing to see things in writing.  It's funny people talk about not writing things on the internet if you don't want them to come back and bite you, etc....  Its a whole other ball game when someone cares and wants to help... so after researching, the words written are read allowed to have you think and by think... really soul search.
When things happen in other peoples' lives they may bring memories or feelings about things that happened in your own life. The fear that you have had, never really crossed my mind until now.  it is a horrific thought to be a sole survivor.  However, for the first time in my life, dealing with someone's death did not bring me back to my mother's death.  Instead it has brought up other feelings of how much I care.  As my words said in November, it has been hard to believe that I am capable of loving and being in a loving relationship... Until you.  I have felt lost this past week  Not because you are not here, but because I am not there.  The feelings that I cannot be there for you has brought up the feelings of being abandoned.  It has not been a good feeling.  The funny thing is... I did not want you to feel like I abandoned you.  I wasn't concerned about me, I want to be there for you.  This really has shown me how capable I really am of loving and that is an amazing feeling.  Never do i want to be this far away again... I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
I appreciate the opportunity to have the words I wrote given back to me.  As much as I joked and stared at the ceiling, I knew it would only help me... and I didn't run!!! I look forward to moving forward through the past and continuing on finding the inner self so that I may continue to grow and let things go.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As the evening comes to a close, I thank you for keeping the love of my life and her family in your embrace and ask that you continue to bring them safe through their journey.
Amen

3/25/14

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for sending some special Angels his way.  Please guide his family through their grief and let them know they are not alone and are loved very much.  May they always feel their Angels and You with them.
Amen

3/24/14

A very good friend once told me, she was told to either change her situation or learn to accept it. After a stressful day at work, my supervisor was venting and I said those exact words to her.  The fact is we all have these two choices.  When we think that things are just not going to change, we need to change them.  

My thoughts and prayers are 99% on my friend and family.  I wish the suffering would end and everyone would be at peace.  May the Angels come and guide you home.

Amen

3/23/14

As this day ends,  I thank God my friend could spend the day with her family and though it may be tough and the last day she spends with them all together, she had this day.  I am grateful she was given this opportunity to be there.  May the Angels guide him home.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you.
Amen

3/22/14

Trying to keep my mind occupied... between doctor, purging, memories, church, visiting with the nuns, and more purging... I have to say... My mind was a little occupied....

The thing I really heard today was Pastor Mary reminding us that we are here to serve God, not to ask God to serve us or to bargain with.  We need to remember to be grateful for the blessings we do have. Perhaps remembering: We do have another day to make it right.  We do have that chance to make someone else/s day better.  We do have the chance to teach someone something new, or open our own eyes to learn how to deal with things  We do need to remember God is there with us.  Holding our hand and guiding us along the way.  

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for giving me the chance to be there for someone in a way I never thought I could.  Please continue to keep those we mentioned allowed and in our hearts in your loving embrace.  

Amen

3/21/14

As this night ends, I am grateful for the time we share with those we love.  The simplest of times, once taken for granted... now bittersweet.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May the next few days be what we all need to get through and find the peace we need.
Amen

3/20/14

Today is a bittersweet day.  I am SO GRATEFUL for the news that I have found an apartment that will allow my baby girl to not only stay in the care of her amazing Godmother, but also to continue to be educated with the class she knows and wants to be with.  I am grateful for the opening and the opportunities that it provides for my family.
On the other hand I am praying for peace for a dear friend and family.  You all have amazing strength.... It is not going to be easy, but know that you are NOT alone.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May we all awaken to feel your embrace and know that we are not alone .
Amen

3/18/14

I am grateful for the lessons to learn from mistakes.  

Dear God,

May tomorrow I do a better job at being there for those that need me.  May I learn to give what they need from me.  

Amen

3/17/14

As this day comes to a close.. I thank our Lord for giving me this day.  Troubles are Blessings!!! This morning, it seemed I should not get out of bed.  I did the responsible thing and went to work (Unlike several of my co-workers).
I was blessed enough to see the love of my life before work and then again for lunch.  It really is a nice difference.  I never really enjoyed " seeing someone".  I love every chance I get now.
It seemed weird to wake up to snow.... 14 years ago, it snowed.... not like today, but there was snow.  The day has a different meaning to me these days. Please do not mistake what I write, I do not miss what was, the complete opposite is true. However, I know the decisions I made then make me who I am today.  I am who I am because of the good and bad in my life.  I am grateful for it all.  So as we take off our green and get back to reality, may we all work on being a little mroe kind to each other.- Amen

3//13/14

Last night, I felt a little bit of what has been missing.  I am grateful for the half hour of fellowship after an hour of working on my inner self.  I am grateful for the questions, I am grateful for the suggestions, most of all I am grateful for the time change to make it possible.
I came home and received an email that may provide a some answers to some of the burden.  I am hopeful- I know the grass is not always greener on the other side, but I am hopeful that it will help.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May this Thankful Thursday be a peaceful one.
Amen

3/12/14

Wonderful Wednesday woke me up.  Ready to do my exercise, ready to get the kids up, ready to thank Our Father in Heaven for giving me another day to try again to do it better!!! I am thankful for the love and support I have not only from my family and friends but from the love of my life.  I am thankful for the relationship I am in.  Everyday, I learn even more just how amazing you are and how amazing we are together.  I am thankful for the position that I have now, that has allowed me to keep a roof over my childrens' heads.  Most of all I am thankful for my children..
Last night, I sat down and figured out what my new monthly budget will be in the event I stay where I am, and in the same position.  Although it is "doable," There is no extra for saving, car repairs, or fun.... I said a prayer that something would be on the Horizon... and it just might....
I sent my resume to the state for a teaching position located in Ocean Township last night.  I am hopeful they will like what I have to offer and call me for an interview.  It is close to home, the pay would benefit my family, and it would be doing what I want to do.....teach! The posting opened March 10 ending March 24th.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank YOU!
Amen

3/11/14

As this day begins, patience has to go back into the forefront!!! My brain is going a mile a minute and sleep was not really happening.  As things go forward, I am hoping that things will begin to make sense and the answers I seek come soon.
I was reminded that this is what I call Teaching Tuesday... As I was doing something for Mackenzie she was asking a hundred questions.... and I quickly said to her she needed to stop focusing on that go back to getting ready and she quickly said how she didn't know a lot about something and just wanted to know.... I told her I would explain it to her, once she was ready to go....
Dear Heavenly Father,
As we prepare to start another day, may we all remember to have patience and teach something to someone with the same kindness we would want to be taught with.
Amen

3/10/14

As the new week begins, I am trying to start it remembering the love and guidance that is there if I just ask for it.  I am not only exercising my body each day, I am going to exercise my mind and my soul.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As we go through this day (many feeling that loss of sleep) may we all remember to be a little more patient with each other.  May we zip our lips, open our eyes, extend our ears and turn our brains on as Mackenzie says.....
Amen

3/9/14

Today I am so grateful it was Sunday.  I know more than ever I need to "lean on my faith".  I know I am not alone in what is going on.  I know that I have support.  Not just here but from above. I know that there is a job out there that I am meant to have.. right now I am meant to be where I am.  I have to learn from this position before I will be able to move on.  I know that there is an answer to the housing question.  I pray the answer will come in a way I will understand by the time i am to give an answer to the apartment complex..  Today though, I learned and I know more than ever, the winter months are so difficult for me and that I lose the feeling of fellowship when I lose the hour of daylight.  I can see the "light" at the end of the tunnel now and I know that things will be a bit brighter for a few months....
Dear Heavenly Father,
I will continue to try to live in a way that glorifies Your Name and allows me to feel as if I am living the life You gave me to the fullest.  I am going to practice more patience and accept help when offered and when it's not offered and I need it, I'm going to try to ask a little more..
Amen

3/8/14

Even Before I start my exercise this morning... Last night, I prayed to figure out where on the path I am, Pastor Mary text'd me at that end.    I am starting my day by being grateful for the love and support I have.  It has not been an easy time lately... No matter what you are always here with me and I appreciate that more than anything.  In order to really figure out the path I am to be on... I need to get back to thinking positively and being grateful for what I do have.
Obstacles are part of life and as I look at this image I remember the days of skiing.. I liked to go fast straight down the hill, rather than take any of the jumps.... I cannot avoid the obstacles, I must take them in order to really enjoy the life that God has been gracious enough to provide me with.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I am listening.
Amen