12/14/13

I really do try.  I really do try to not worry about things.  I really do try to just let things happen.  I really do try to let things be as they will, knowing that I have God and those who love me on my side. Yet, things are worrying me and when they do worry me, it really does weigh heavy on not just my shoulders.  

There really is just too many things sometimes all at once.  I wish I had the strength,  I wish I was strong enough, I wish all that I do try was enough.  I fear its not.  I do not want to lose sight of the important people in my life.  I really am committed to being a better person.  I know that I am in need of a good night sleep and certainly hearing Pastor Mary tomorrow will help.  Dear Heavenly Father, As we try so hard to find a gift for those on our list, let's remember those men and women who only wish to make it home to their families.  Those families who are remembering their lost ones (a year ago and others), and May we all remember those who are less fortunate and may we all remember the true blessings of Christmas.  Amen

12/8/13

Getting out this weekend felt real good. A lot changed since last year's party.... and we had a great time.   a lot of fun had by all... Being with the woman I love, helped to ease the fears... and certainly made today so much easier.  It really is a nice feeling to have someone on your side that respects and values you.  It is nice to hear someone tell you that the things that are being said are not true and to hear things that are true.  It's amazing to have that unconditional love.  I am blessed.  

Dear Father in Heaven,

Please help us to see what we need in order to live a life that will Glorify you and make us happy.

Amen

12/5/13

I believe in the Holy Spirit... I believe that the Holy Spirit is here with me many times during my life.  Last night I wrote about feeling detached... today while at the pharmacy I was calling the nuns to see if they needed anything.. I heard their voices.... they walked into the pharmacy.  I started laughing and showed them that I was just calling them...  They began to ask me how we all are etc... I said I was there to get J medicine for bronchitis.... they immediately started talking about who they recently saw and how that person has not seen me.  They immediately started joking about calling me a drop out and telling me that I can always go back to being Catholic....
I never belonged as a Catholic.  I do belong as a Lutheran.  I have not dropped out.... someone very dear to me, commented about how HT saved me... Yes, HT saved me, and I am so blessed for what I have.- Amen

12/4/2013

It's amazing how much life can change in just months... Yes,I am grateful. When Life throws curve balls, God is there with a mitt on.  When the wind blows strongly, God is there holding a brush  When Life gives us lemonade, God is sitting next to us drinking. Although I know this, I have felt detached.  It's not a good feeling, and it only makes it more difficult when I try to "re-attach".  Things keep happening and it seems there is always a reason... I hate that, and I hate the feelings that come along with it.  I miss what I had, I miss the feelings I had, I know realistically, I won't get it back... but I do wish there was a way to get a new rhythm going.   -Amen

12/1/13

It's been so long since I wrote.... Battling pretty bad colds, it's been a whirlwind the last couple of weeks. Not only am I grateful, I know how blessed I am.  I really am.  When it seems that I am in over my head, I feel God lifting me up above the water and keeping me treading water.  I am not looking for an easy life, I know that it's not realistic, keeping my focus on what I want and what I need to do in order to get there.... that IS what keeps me treading.  I am starting to see things about myself that people keep saying and though it embarrasses me, I am starting to accept them.  I am also finding myself wanting more than I ever wanted previously.  Wanting to do and go and be is a really amazing feeling.  Finding someone whom brings out this in me, is priceless...

Dear Heavenly Father,

As the season of Thanks rolls into the season of giving, may we all be thankful for the gifts you have given us and pay it forward to give to others in ways that will help make their lives a little easier.

Amen