6/30/13

Found this picture on facebook tonight.. as I was sitting trying to think about how I wanted to word today.... really all I can say is I am BLESSED.  

My goal this week is to remind myself (minute  by minute if needed) to follow this poster...

Not only do I thank you, I thank your friends and family for today.  Thank you, Kellie for including me.  Most of all thank you for feeling comfortable this afternoon.  That means more than any words.  I am truly blessed.  

Because of a wonderful woman, I was able to go and be part of the party... Thank you, Grace for having my back.... 

6/28/13

It's Friday morning June 28th and I have yet to finish my Thursday night.  I had a very busy yet nice day.  Just never stopped going. Started my day dropping Jordan for the last day of 6th grade and then Mackenzie off to play with her friends... to going for a walk and breakfast with Kellie...to cleaning the  large TIDE spill out of the carpet in my car... to lunch with a dear friend to church to change the sign and see Pastor Mary to a quick stop at kmart, then to get the kids and Jordan's friend to take them to the beach, then to drop his friend off, drop Jordan off and run over to get ice cream and last minute things for tomorrow's birthday party, then to coming home and dealing with many and I mean MANY disasters created by Mackenzie to then trying to find specific documents (only found one of four) to creating a giant mess and finding many photos, to bathing both cats (without getting scratched) to filling out physical forms for tomorrow, but no matter how exhausted I am.. I am feeling just completely blessed that I am here to do all of this... REALLY... I am exhausted and was frustrated tonight... but really grateful that I was given the opportunity to do all of that today.. Thank you, Lord.

Those in your life that are meant to be in your life for a very long time... will always remain there.. through thick and thin.... Today I had lunch with someone who has known me since before I knew me..lol literally she knew my entire family and taught me (reading) in elementary school... Tonight while looking for something ... I found pictures from her retirement party (1996)... I am so grateful to have such amazing people in my life.. You ALL know who you are..... Thank You!!! 

6/25/13

My day started out with going for a nice walk with my girlfriend and two dogs (her friend's dog came along) ... then I got the news that Mackenzie will be able to attend Kindergarten at the elementary school by her Godmother's house (her caretaker while I am a work) and then I ran around did errands for transportation for the kids, informing the district I will not be a sub in the fall, get Jordan from school, drop him at his friend's house and then I got to see my girlfriend again this afternoon for a quick HOT walk... and then quick dinner pick up kids and Jordan's friend and take them all to the beach where I got to see my girlfriend again with her son and his friend... The boys had a nice time (not too many outbursts from Jordan) and Mackenzie is getting a little more comfortable with the water... Perhaps the best was just the ability to be all together and just be us... it was the greatest feeling... thank you, Kellie...

6/24/13

2 years ago today My friends had twin boys... Today as they celebrate with Grady, their heart still breaks for the loss of Cullen.  I pray the pain will lessen for them.  Happy 2nd Birthday, Grady and Cullen.. I pray that you felt each other at your celebrations.....
This morning I woke up although very tired, with  the mindset that today was going to be a better day and I would start the week out on a positive note.
Friday afternoon in the middle of the craziness, I received a call asking me to come in and speak to someone regarding a position on Monday.  The short story of it all.. I accepted the position and start working on Monday.  I once again thanked the Holy Spirit after as an email came just as I was walking into the meeting (I did not see it till after).  This position is not what I thought was on my plan.. .I did not apply for this position... but it found me and I am grateful for the opportunity and what it means for my future.  It came at a time in my life where I was losing hope and needed something "to give"... Its not that I was losing faith in God's plan.. I was losing faith and hope in my ability to deal with everything.   I am grateful.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As you celebrated both his birthday and his Heavenly birthday with Cullen, may his family feel your loving embrace as they move forward.  May my own children feel your embrace as we continue on with the struggles and celebrate the triumphs.  May we each awaken to this Tuesday thinking of those that have taught us many valuable lessons.... and thank them.  Amen

6/23/13

This morning was one of those days, that as a parent you want to roll over, pull the covers back over your head and say, "No, we are not getting out of bed today... go back to sleep!"  After what I think was the most horrifying experience I have ever had at church.... after apologizes were said to Pastor Mary, we left- in tears.  So yes, today was one of those days where I knew a  LEARNING moment was in front of me...  and once again... I failed this portion of the test.  Someone reminded me.. YOU are the mom here...
I know a lot of my son's behaviors and emotions he cannot control and I need to have more patience. However, on the other hand, my daughter is taking control of the family and they are both walking all over me.
As this weekend comes to a close and I once again say I'm sorry to Pastor Mary and the entire congregation of Holy Trinity... I pray that I will start out this next week with a clear head to see what I should and should not do in order to live my life in a way that will  do right by my children and Glorify Our Father...
Amen

6/22/13

The Great people in our life walk around in circles and up and down with us....
Yesterday was one of those days that I had hoped not to ever have again... But I am learning that though someone chooses to make my life difficult.. HOW I react to it, is what's important.  I did stand my ground.  I did fight for my children and I DID do it for the right reasons.  Not to be spiteful, not for revenge... but simply because it's time I stood up for myself and not let anyone walk over or bully me any longer.  I tried so hard not to listen to the insults (and there were MANY), I tried really hard not to throw any back (THAT WAS DIFFICULT!!) Instead I really tried to state the facts only.  This is something I am trying to focus on....as I know this is only going to be more challenging!!!!!
I thank you,  Diana for your listening and advice yesterday.... REALLY thank you!!! and Kellie, for not only listening but welcoming the change in plans, loving me and my kids, and helping me to forget even for just a little bit. Thank you!!!Kellie this picture is for you... this is what I was telling you about from the retreat... I really wish I was walking one now....
Last Wednesday, I was asked to come up with goals... I laughed and said can't you tell me??? I do not like this kind of stuff.. but YES, I have come up with some pretty important goals of things I need to do for me... to allow me to be healthy both mentally and physically... for not only me.. but for my children and for the relationship that I wish to have a future with... those are THREE REALLY good reasons.

6/19/13

Today I started my day hearing an amazing message retold and given the Pastor Mary touch.  It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning.  To be reminded to look to God as He is there for me.  As I took a step tonight to doing something for me... I thought about the two people who encouraged me to put myself first and to go... I am so grateful for the gentle yet firm push.  I did have a blessed evening!! May tomorrow morning we think of those we want to thank and tell them.....

6/16/13

So today is Father's Day.   10 years ago, I stopped talking to my father.  it seems hard to believe that it was actually this date.. but I believe it was... There are things in life we all do and sometimes we regret them... I do not regret this decision, do I feel badly my children do not know their grandmother or grandfather, yes. Do I hate that this exact same thing was done to me as a child by my father, yes.  Do I think he had felt he was making a right decision, sure... after meeting my family though.. I do not agree... I have been honest with my children.  They know their grandfather is alive (I never knew I had family).  I have been honest to the reasons I will not allow him in their lives.  I am grateful for other people who have stepped up and filled in the roles left behind...
Side bar: (My day started out at 4am... I had very little sleep, Jordan isn't feeling well, Mackenzie was up at 6 and I still did not know how I would be handling the fact that I had the kids.. they were supposed to be with their dad before I went to church...)  Before leaving I sent out texts wishing every Father I knew (except my own) a Happy Father's Day... and a dear friend sent me this back... " Happy day to a wonderful woman doing the job of 2."  The tears came immediately... thank you Jim.  I then sent that to many of my single mom friends who in all honesty whether the fathers of their children are in their lives or not... they are the father 99% of the time daily.
When I walked into church this morning I wished Pastor Arnie a Happy Father's Day.... I learned I was serving alone, I found out the lesson quickly started looking for words that would trip me up and Pastor Arnie came back in... He said something to me about it and I said, "I am a little stressed right now...." he wanted to know why.. I simply said, "I wasn't supposed to have my children this morning.." To which he said, "Happy Father's Day to you!!"  I thanked him and said he was the second person who said that to me.. and he said you do the job of both...  it meant a lot- thank you, Pastor Arnie. It was a pleasure serving with Pastor Arnie again,  I served for our Father today..... I read the lesson, the prayers, gave Pastor Arnie Communion and the wine...and held the wine..... Couldn't think of a better way to say Happy Father's Day.....A thank you to Cindy....It was nice to have my friend up there with me holding the other cup... (which I normally hold)....
Also a special wish to my girlfriend, as you get the mark today of your heart beating on.... may you always remember that I love you...
As you finish up your Father's Day celebrations remember to thank our Father for whom gave us this day (not Hallmark).  Amen

6/15/13

Wasn't home last night and where I was, the Internet wasn't working (NOT EVEN ON MY PHONE). Yesterday, I made a much needed call, for me.  I pray it will be the beginning of good things.. and know to keep the faith as I am doing what I need to- in order to move forward.
As I sit here and reflect on the last two days..I think about how grateful I am that I woke up to be with those I love.  May we all wake up tomorrow with the same feeling of gratitude and thank our Father in Heaven for giving us another day....and to all those dads out there, "Happy Father's Day!" -Amen

6/13/12

As I get ready for bed I sit here thinking of those who spend their nights away from those they love.  They sleep in uncomfortable positions and wonder if in the morning light they will awaken and if they do, if their friends next to them will... I sit here thinking of those who fight for all the freedom we have.  Today as I walked into the store, I saw two servicemen walking out... I went out of my way, to thank them for serving.... and they thanked me....
It really is amazing to me that every service person has always thanked me for thanking them.... God Bless America....
As we awaken to another Flag day... let's not forget what the flag stands for: ..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help each of us to see what you have given us and support those who are protecting it for us each day.  Amen

6/12/13

Tonight I put this message on the Church sign....
YOUR FAITH SAVES YOU;
     GO IN PEACE.  Luke 7:50
How appropriate.  So two weeks ago, a conversation led to some painful realizations.  The weird thing, I knew before going in it was probably my last conversation with this person.  Which is why by the end, it was even more upsetting.  When I left the conversation, my first thought was to run and never look back.  I started  to withdraw from those I care about and allowed feelings to take over.  I recalled the conversation and LISTENED to the suggestions.  I prayed and heard how I was worrying my girlfriend.  My Faith allows me to love.... it saves me.... I know as I go forward, my life will be more in peace as long as I keep my Faith.
May we wake up on Thursday and share how thankful we are for the Faith we have.
Amen

6/11/13

Hard to believe that two months  ago I decided I could not write my blag until I could feel free to say some things.  The last two months have been the most amazing and the most challenging all at the same time.  In my lowest of lows today, I finally took the step toward doing something for me... then tonight someone said perhaps it's time you get all that negative out of you and get back to remembering all the positives.....
I decided awhile ago that I was going to be happy and live for who I am. Not what I thought I should be.   I am in love.. this person has spent many months getting to know me for who I am and caring for me anyway.  This person has accepted the bad that comes along with the good and helps to smack it into my head that there is good that I have spent so many years denying and ignoring.  This person has taken many risks and proven that I am "WANTED."  On days like today when it's even more difficult to be around me.... this person says, "I am not going anywhere, and neither are you!" It is because of this person that tonight I feel I can write this and say, I do not care who knows.. I am in love.... with a wonderful person... thank you Kellie.   I have found I can be happy and though some do not agree or feel it's wrong or against "their" religion... It is who I am, and I am proud of who I am.  If I can show my children that it does not matter who your in love with as long as you treat that person well and that person treats you well...... than I guess I am not messing up as badly as I thought.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As I allowed this darkness in my body, I left the trust and faith for the plan you have behind. I ask that you forgive me for straying and not placing my fears, doubts, and sadness into Your hands.  I ask that you continue to guide me down this path and that "the dawn from on high will break upon us" as we awaken to a wondrous Wednesday.  Please keep Emmy and all those protecting us safe and out of harms way.
Amen