11/26/13

As this day comes to an end, I think about some very dear people who are thinking and praying for their sibling(s) respectively.  I pray an ask each of you reading this to pray for George and for Shirely.   May God's embrace relieve the suffering and be with them and their families, now more than ever. Amwn

11.25.13

When you know Who, know what, know how, and know when, it's hard not to want when to hurry up and get here... when it does happen, it will be worth it....
Dear Heavenly Father,
May each of us find what it takes to make it to the finish line and find the happiness that we all deserve.
Amen

11.24.13

A lot discussed, many decisions made, have some goals in mind and wanting to work towards them. On the other hand, it's that time of year.  Being thankful for what I have and trying to keep that in my mind as the holidays approach.  -Amen

11/21/13

Sometimes its just enough to be there, it has to be.  
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help each of us to feel you and to always know you are here for each of us.
Amen

11/20/13

Today I said goodbye to a great man.  I still can't believe he isn't here and I definitely have regrets for allowing past mistakes interfere with family.  It is most definitely an eye opener.  I do not want to have regrets and looking at the pictures of a very fulfilling life, solidifies that me becoming who I really am and saying what I want for me and my kids was the right decision.
I had a difficult time going into the room, but it gave me an opportunity to hear all the stories and to listen to all the stories from his work which for as long as I can remember growing up, he was retired from... Made me think even more that I need to be in a job that I would be happy in. One that is challenging, but rewarding.  I need to take that step and find something sooner rather than later.  I need to be happy.
The surprise that my brother was heading there at the same time was really nice, I was only alone for about a half hour... (That's when I listened to everyone talking-from a distance) then getting the confirmation from him, this was NOT where my mom's wake was... Was an awesome feeling.  I still do not like walking in to funeral homes, and the overwhelming aroma of cut flowers still brought me back to it, I survived, and I am glad I was able to go say goodbye to a man I used to wish was my "pop"... Rest in peace Uncle Ralph, may each day and night those that miss and love someone in Heaven remember.... They are with us, always. Amen

11/18/13

When you make up your mind and decide you are going to do something,  What do you do when you know that it is uncomfortable and scary, and know that it's something you have to do alone? Do you look at the experience and embrace it, or do you want to run and not experience it? I let the time continue by and it made it seem okay.... Time ran out and now it seems I have a clear choice, take that very scary step or keep that wall up.  No matter what is going on, I am trying to remember I am not alone even when I am...I am grateful for the support I will have after.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May the decisions I face professionally, internally, and personally be made clear in your wisdom and less painful by the moment.
Amen

11/17/13

 Tonight I am grateful for those that care.  It has been difficult sometimes and today was one of them.  Walking in and hearing so many say "where have you been?" I know its out of concern, but it makes it even harder.  I was thinking it and then afterward I heard it, "You're here, sometimes thats enough!"  Today that was enough- it had to be!!! To walk out and receive a voice mail from a new family member, was amazing.  Thank you to those that care... It means a lot.  Even if I am not showing it, I care about you too!

11/16/13

Tonight I am grateful for sleepless nights.  Yes, I am grateful for the little sleep that we have had.  It makes you think and makes you wake up and want to make changes.   When you open yourself up to what is out there, you will get what you want and some.
Dear Father in Heaven,
November 16 will always be the heavenly birthday for my Uncle Ralph.  He came to you peacefully in his sleep and I know above all you welcomed the greatest man I knew.  His smile would brighten the cloudiest of days, his gentleness would wipe away any fears, may each of us know this angel will forever be watching over us.
Amen

11/15/13

Have you ever wondered what you are supposed to learn from a specific situation?  It seems that the last several weeks,  I am questioning just that in MANY aspects of my life.  I am at that point, really things need to start being a little more clear on what I am to learn.  I am very grateful for what I have, and for those in my life....
Dear Heavenly Father,
As the weekend approaches and many changes occur, I ask that you give me the wisdom to get through these situations.  May I feel not only your Glorious embrace, but that of those who love and care for me and allow myself to embrace the help from them.
Amen

11/14/13

Grateful to have those amazing people in my life.  It is a blessing, a true blessing to know how many people are not only there for me, but are whispering (and in some cases screaming) my name in God's ear.  I do feel a bit overwhelmed from many aspects of my life, trying to make it through.  I will try and try some more to make it better tban ever before.
Dear Heavenly Father,
On this Thankful Thursday, I am thankful for those in my life.  I especially adore the opportunity to be loved- may we all wake up tomorrow feeling a love truer than true.
Amen

11/13/13

Today was one of those days that we all must go through to see the light.  In the long run, it's what has to happen.  I am grateful for this lesson.  I am trying very hard to find the pieces to this puzzle called life and put them together with the least amount of tattered edges. 

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thankful Thursday is approaching, please help me and those around me to see all we have been given and to give You and those around us, the Thanks that is deserved.

Amen

11/12/13

When you feel lost, where do you turn? It seems I can't see land.  Feeling like I just can't, instead the water is rising around me.  I am throwing up my flare.  Perhaps soon, I will see the light and figure out how to do things right.
"The dawn from on high will break upon us"
Dear Heavenly Father,
May tomorrow, we awaken with the clarity of what we all need.
Amen

11/11/13

Thank you to ALL (nearest to my heart, my sister Emmy) the men and women who are fighting each day past, present, and future for our freedoms. May God Bless and may you always know how much we thank you.



When I think "I get it" something switches and I realize I didn't have a clue.  I would give just about anything to be up at the retreat house walking this right now.  I feel so lost and need clarity.

11/10/13

Today I am thankful for the opportunity to talk and to be encouraged to think and the time to write.
When your a child, we learn who will take care of you and who will dissapoint you. Some do not intend to, but do let you down.  I feel I had both in my life.  I was young, there were things I needed.  People tried but it really never happened.  Now today people want to and I am not receptive to it.  I have been asked to think about this and to write it down.
My father was in my life for 26 years and although he was a father, I would not say he was ever a dad.  There are many times dissapointment came with each interaction.  And Although I had my mom till I was ten, there seems to be a nurturing void.  I cannot remember for sure when her illness started, I have small recallection of incidents as young as six of her not being able to do things because she was too sick.   I do not doubt she loved us, but from stories, I do not feel she was overly nurturing.  Relatives or friends tried and as I entered school, my teachers started caring for me.  After my mom died, the closeness towards others over family was there even more.  Whatever attention I needed, they tried to give me.  Many of which I dreamed would adopt me.  Dissapointment when reality would set in.  Today, they are still very important to me.
My father's desire to be married and have someone in our lives non stop did not help to fill the void, it only caused bigger voids.  As more people came in more left.  Each time it just kept making the void larger.  Wanting to please was soon replaced with defiance.  Then it was easier to please "myself".  I took care of me because no one else was going to be able to.
II knew the feelings I always had but felt I couldn't really be me.  I went into a relationship knowing it wasn't fulfilling. I heard for many years that I was not capable of many things loving and caring for others was one of them. I believed that for many years.  Even questioning the love I express to my children. I know people say I am loving and caring.  But it is difficult sometimes to feel like Im nurturing enough. I had to think long and hard about the love I feel in my relationships to make sure it was not me just trying to fill that void... It was recently that I found I can be me and that I am more than capable of expressing this with someone I am not only friends with but in love with.
It is more than that, it is a love that is truer than any other I have experienced,  It is real.
When I was asked to describe myself, beyond overall sensitive- I couldnt.  I wanted to run.  I started to talk later about what it feels like to allow someone in and to accept help.  It is so uncomfortable to not only think about it, but to really allow it is so difficult.  I promised to not only think but to really try because I do care about us.
May we all sleep well tonight and remember to thank the veterans for the chance to sleep with both eyes shut.
Amen

11/9/13

I am grateful for people who care about others.  Yes, this seems like a simple thing- yet it means the world to each of us when someone cares.  If we all had a magic mirror that would show what was deep inside, what would it show about you? When we open up and let people in, no matter how scary- it feels good.  To "let go" of the control and the fears, to not let someone in just for the need to please- is a nice feeling.  Knowing what someone needs even when they cannot express it, is a wonderful trait.  I am blessed.

May we each wake up to a super spiritual Sunday and say something spectacular to someone.
Amen

11/8/13

I am grateful for unconditional love.  When someone is willing to love you on the darkest of nights, it helps to bring the morning light brighter into the day.  We have this from God.  When we are at our lowest points you never know who God will give us to help us...
Dear Father in Heaven,
I am blessed. May we all have a fabulous Friday.
Amen

11/7/13

I am grateful for many people, last night:

I am grateful for my neighbors, Denise and Charlie... Thank you for giving me the opportunity to go out.

I am grateful for: Kellie who not only is by my side, was there to take me tonight.

I am grateful for: Pastor Mary who not only is rooting me on through faith, delivered yet another profound homily from the Holy Spirit.

Just before going to the healing service I received an email about a possible experience that emphasizes healing.  We then heard about it through:

At the Potter’s House

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: 2 “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” 3 So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him

Jeremiah 18:1-1-4

As Pastor Mary explained, our lives are not set as good or bad.  We will go through times in our lives where the clay needs to be molded into a new pot.   As things are sometimes dkffkcult to process, we should always keep in mind that God is here to be with us.

Father in Heaven,

As we approach this Thursday, may we show how thankful we are to not only You, but to those around us.  

Amen            

11/6/13

Everything does happen for a reason.  The choices I made, I will have to live with the consequences.  Yesterday I allowed the emotions override the part of my brain that knows I have responsibilities.
Gratitude:  "The quality of being thankful, readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness."  

Time to get back to remembering why I am grateful. 

I am grateful that God is an important force in my life. I am thankful for those I am blessed enough to have and love in my life.
Today I will try to not only find the new path, but to travel down it knowing that I am not alone.  Not only do I have God, and a fantastic friend and family support, I also have a wonderful woman with whom I cherish the memories and look forward to the dreams we share for the future.
Dear Father in Heaven,
May we all awaken to see your Glorious day ahead.  May each of us know what it feels like to have Your embrace and feel that you are walking beside us on this journey.
Amen