3/31/14

Saturday night, I had the pleasure of attending service and going up to be a communion assistant.  It was a pleasure serving with our Bishop.  She is funny and has almost as good sermon as Pastor Mary.. It really felt good and I really felt how much I miss that.  so when I noticed they needed a full serve communion assistant for Sunday morning- I was more excited to have a purpose Sunday morning... To make it less painful (getting up and had to leave).  I did not want to leave where I was, but knew I did not have a choice.. I understood why, but I didn't like it- yes, I know I wasn't the only one who wasn't thrilled about it...  
Not only did I get to serve our Lord, I was up there with three amazing women.. I have not served with my friend Robin in awhile... it was nice and I did pretty well (no real mess ups in the prayers or the names)..... and apparently I have "improved drastically"- yes, this was a compliment?, I received afterward..lol
Anyway, it was just what I needed after such a long emotional week. I needed to feel that purpose again.  I needed to feel that great feeling inside and I did.  It helped to give me the push to come home and clean, purge, and pack.. I really got so much more accomplished...
Having my love back home and finding my way back "home" really helped me this weekend.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You,
Amen

3/28/14

Long Busy day at work... instead of leaving early, I left late!!! Now a weekend of purging and trying to pack.....It's a beautiful thing...
Grateful God helped them all arrive home safe and wish they will all feel his embrace as they make sense of the grief.
Amen

3/27/14

Today is a special day... A day an amazing woman was born.  My life changed two years ago when I was encouraged to reach out to her... Just as my text read to her this morning... I do hope this birthday was as beautiful as your soul, Pastor Mary....
Then one year later.. .I met and fell in love with The love of my life... she will be home tomorrow.  It's been a long emotional week for her and her family and I have struggled with not being able to be there for her.  I am grateful she will be home tomorrow night....
The world is a beautiful place.  I am grateful - Amen

3/26/14

It's an interesting thing to see things in writing.  It's funny people talk about not writing things on the internet if you don't want them to come back and bite you, etc....  Its a whole other ball game when someone cares and wants to help... so after researching, the words written are read allowed to have you think and by think... really soul search.
When things happen in other peoples' lives they may bring memories or feelings about things that happened in your own life. The fear that you have had, never really crossed my mind until now.  it is a horrific thought to be a sole survivor.  However, for the first time in my life, dealing with someone's death did not bring me back to my mother's death.  Instead it has brought up other feelings of how much I care.  As my words said in November, it has been hard to believe that I am capable of loving and being in a loving relationship... Until you.  I have felt lost this past week  Not because you are not here, but because I am not there.  The feelings that I cannot be there for you has brought up the feelings of being abandoned.  It has not been a good feeling.  The funny thing is... I did not want you to feel like I abandoned you.  I wasn't concerned about me, I want to be there for you.  This really has shown me how capable I really am of loving and that is an amazing feeling.  Never do i want to be this far away again... I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
I appreciate the opportunity to have the words I wrote given back to me.  As much as I joked and stared at the ceiling, I knew it would only help me... and I didn't run!!! I look forward to moving forward through the past and continuing on finding the inner self so that I may continue to grow and let things go.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As the evening comes to a close, I thank you for keeping the love of my life and her family in your embrace and ask that you continue to bring them safe through their journey.
Amen

3/25/14

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for sending some special Angels his way.  Please guide his family through their grief and let them know they are not alone and are loved very much.  May they always feel their Angels and You with them.
Amen

3/24/14

A very good friend once told me, she was told to either change her situation or learn to accept it. After a stressful day at work, my supervisor was venting and I said those exact words to her.  The fact is we all have these two choices.  When we think that things are just not going to change, we need to change them.  

My thoughts and prayers are 99% on my friend and family.  I wish the suffering would end and everyone would be at peace.  May the Angels come and guide you home.

Amen

3/23/14

As this day ends,  I thank God my friend could spend the day with her family and though it may be tough and the last day she spends with them all together, she had this day.  I am grateful she was given this opportunity to be there.  May the Angels guide him home.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you.
Amen

3/22/14

Trying to keep my mind occupied... between doctor, purging, memories, church, visiting with the nuns, and more purging... I have to say... My mind was a little occupied....

The thing I really heard today was Pastor Mary reminding us that we are here to serve God, not to ask God to serve us or to bargain with.  We need to remember to be grateful for the blessings we do have. Perhaps remembering: We do have another day to make it right.  We do have that chance to make someone else/s day better.  We do have the chance to teach someone something new, or open our own eyes to learn how to deal with things  We do need to remember God is there with us.  Holding our hand and guiding us along the way.  

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for giving me the chance to be there for someone in a way I never thought I could.  Please continue to keep those we mentioned allowed and in our hearts in your loving embrace.  

Amen

3/21/14

As this night ends, I am grateful for the time we share with those we love.  The simplest of times, once taken for granted... now bittersweet.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May the next few days be what we all need to get through and find the peace we need.
Amen

3/20/14

Today is a bittersweet day.  I am SO GRATEFUL for the news that I have found an apartment that will allow my baby girl to not only stay in the care of her amazing Godmother, but also to continue to be educated with the class she knows and wants to be with.  I am grateful for the opening and the opportunities that it provides for my family.
On the other hand I am praying for peace for a dear friend and family.  You all have amazing strength.... It is not going to be easy, but know that you are NOT alone.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May we all awaken to feel your embrace and know that we are not alone .
Amen

3/18/14

I am grateful for the lessons to learn from mistakes.  

Dear God,

May tomorrow I do a better job at being there for those that need me.  May I learn to give what they need from me.  

Amen

3/17/14

As this day comes to a close.. I thank our Lord for giving me this day.  Troubles are Blessings!!! This morning, it seemed I should not get out of bed.  I did the responsible thing and went to work (Unlike several of my co-workers).
I was blessed enough to see the love of my life before work and then again for lunch.  It really is a nice difference.  I never really enjoyed " seeing someone".  I love every chance I get now.
It seemed weird to wake up to snow.... 14 years ago, it snowed.... not like today, but there was snow.  The day has a different meaning to me these days. Please do not mistake what I write, I do not miss what was, the complete opposite is true. However, I know the decisions I made then make me who I am today.  I am who I am because of the good and bad in my life.  I am grateful for it all.  So as we take off our green and get back to reality, may we all work on being a little mroe kind to each other.- Amen

3//13/14

Last night, I felt a little bit of what has been missing.  I am grateful for the half hour of fellowship after an hour of working on my inner self.  I am grateful for the questions, I am grateful for the suggestions, most of all I am grateful for the time change to make it possible.
I came home and received an email that may provide a some answers to some of the burden.  I am hopeful- I know the grass is not always greener on the other side, but I am hopeful that it will help.
Dear Heavenly Father,
May this Thankful Thursday be a peaceful one.
Amen

3/12/14

Wonderful Wednesday woke me up.  Ready to do my exercise, ready to get the kids up, ready to thank Our Father in Heaven for giving me another day to try again to do it better!!! I am thankful for the love and support I have not only from my family and friends but from the love of my life.  I am thankful for the relationship I am in.  Everyday, I learn even more just how amazing you are and how amazing we are together.  I am thankful for the position that I have now, that has allowed me to keep a roof over my childrens' heads.  Most of all I am thankful for my children..
Last night, I sat down and figured out what my new monthly budget will be in the event I stay where I am, and in the same position.  Although it is "doable," There is no extra for saving, car repairs, or fun.... I said a prayer that something would be on the Horizon... and it just might....
I sent my resume to the state for a teaching position located in Ocean Township last night.  I am hopeful they will like what I have to offer and call me for an interview.  It is close to home, the pay would benefit my family, and it would be doing what I want to do.....teach! The posting opened March 10 ending March 24th.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank YOU!
Amen

3/11/14

As this day begins, patience has to go back into the forefront!!! My brain is going a mile a minute and sleep was not really happening.  As things go forward, I am hoping that things will begin to make sense and the answers I seek come soon.
I was reminded that this is what I call Teaching Tuesday... As I was doing something for Mackenzie she was asking a hundred questions.... and I quickly said to her she needed to stop focusing on that go back to getting ready and she quickly said how she didn't know a lot about something and just wanted to know.... I told her I would explain it to her, once she was ready to go....
Dear Heavenly Father,
As we prepare to start another day, may we all remember to have patience and teach something to someone with the same kindness we would want to be taught with.
Amen

3/10/14

As the new week begins, I am trying to start it remembering the love and guidance that is there if I just ask for it.  I am not only exercising my body each day, I am going to exercise my mind and my soul.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As we go through this day (many feeling that loss of sleep) may we all remember to be a little more patient with each other.  May we zip our lips, open our eyes, extend our ears and turn our brains on as Mackenzie says.....
Amen

3/9/14

Today I am so grateful it was Sunday.  I know more than ever I need to "lean on my faith".  I know I am not alone in what is going on.  I know that I have support.  Not just here but from above. I know that there is a job out there that I am meant to have.. right now I am meant to be where I am.  I have to learn from this position before I will be able to move on.  I know that there is an answer to the housing question.  I pray the answer will come in a way I will understand by the time i am to give an answer to the apartment complex..  Today though, I learned and I know more than ever, the winter months are so difficult for me and that I lose the feeling of fellowship when I lose the hour of daylight.  I can see the "light" at the end of the tunnel now and I know that things will be a bit brighter for a few months....
Dear Heavenly Father,
I will continue to try to live in a way that glorifies Your Name and allows me to feel as if I am living the life You gave me to the fullest.  I am going to practice more patience and accept help when offered and when it's not offered and I need it, I'm going to try to ask a little more..
Amen

3/8/14

Even Before I start my exercise this morning... Last night, I prayed to figure out where on the path I am, Pastor Mary text'd me at that end.    I am starting my day by being grateful for the love and support I have.  It has not been an easy time lately... No matter what you are always here with me and I appreciate that more than anything.  In order to really figure out the path I am to be on... I need to get back to thinking positively and being grateful for what I do have.
Obstacles are part of life and as I look at this image I remember the days of skiing.. I liked to go fast straight down the hill, rather than take any of the jumps.... I cannot avoid the obstacles, I must take them in order to really enjoy the life that God has been gracious enough to provide me with.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I am listening.
Amen