It's an interesting thing to see things in writing. It's funny people talk about not writing things on the internet if you don't want them to come back and bite you, etc.... Its a whole other ball game when someone cares and wants to help... so after researching, the words written are read allowed to have you think and by think... really soul search. When things happen in other peoples' lives they may bring memories or feelings about things that happened in your own life. The fear that you have had, never really crossed my mind until now. it is a horrific thought to be a sole survivor. However, for the first time in my life, dealing with someone's death did not bring me back to my mother's death. Instead it has brought up other feelings of how much I care. As my words said in November, it has been hard to believe that I am capable of loving and being in a loving relationship... Until you. I have felt lost this past week Not because you are not here, but because I am not there. The feelings that I cannot be there for you has brought up the feelings of being abandoned. It has not been a good feeling. The funny thing is... I did not want you to feel like I abandoned you. I wasn't concerned about me, I want to be there for you. This really has shown me how capable I really am of loving and that is an amazing feeling. Never do i want to be this far away again... I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
I appreciate the opportunity to have the words I wrote given back to me. As much as I joked and stared at the ceiling, I knew it would only help me... and I didn't run!!! I look forward to moving forward through the past and continuing on finding the inner self so that I may continue to grow and let things go.
Dear Heavenly Father,
As the evening comes to a close, I thank you for keeping the love of my life and her family in your embrace and ask that you continue to bring them safe through their journey.
Amen
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