10.3.12

So much today was "healing"  Starting this morning with 7 am service.  It was so difficult to get up and get the kids out the door.  But, I am so glad I did.  There is something about the small gathering that makes me feel even closer to God.  I then received the news I had been waiting for and am grateful that it came today rather than tomorrow.  As I left to attend my first "healing service"  I went with a sense of relief and am even more grateful for such an amazing service.  What an amazing way to spend an hour, to pray for those who are sick and need healing.  It was so uplifting to light a candle and to have all the candles placed together.  I kept looking at the candles all together and it gave me such HOPE.  I had to take a picture of it and the sweet (smarty pants)  I sit with was busting my chops about it.. but I just felt such a connection through the candles.. (I know sounds really weird..)  The next part of the service is the "laying of the hands"  I have to say that it was the time I felt such an overwhelming feeling when Pastor Arnie placed his hands on my head.   Even just sitting here,, I feel it.  This service was so amazing and I am so grateful to my ex for coming early (out of the blue) which allowed me to attend.
The next part of my evening was the Book of Job study group. I am so grateful for the friends I have and that they are nothing like Job's friends.  You are all amazing, and have provided me with many things most of which just being here for me, THANK YOU!!!!  Questions asked of us, what do our friends do to help us when we suffer... the greatest thing I have learned recently is to feel the emotions.  No longer repressing or forcing myself to be ok... to actually embrace the feelings and move through them.  We also talked about how when we are with someone who is suffering what should we say and what shouldn't we say.... as a friend just told me the other night... people keep telling he and his wife, "I know how you feel" or "I can understand what your going through"  As I told him the other day, " Unless you have lost a child, you have NO IDEA and what you think might help usually does NOT.."  We cannot fully know what anyone is going through because God made us all different... As Pastor Mary said to me "God gave Mary one voice and Jen another..."  All of our experiences are different.. A family who has 5 kids can all suffer a loss, but each of them will have different feelings and emotions and none of them can say I know how you feel... The truth of the matter is... WE DO NOT know... only God does.   The most profound thing I heard tonight was something about when a friend lets you down and what you experience then.  This happened to me back in May and it has been REALLY difficult to accept the loss and to feel the emotions that go along with them.  It's all part of life... no life should be easy.... I have never asked for an easy life.. I may have asked for things to go easier... but not easy..  how else will we learn?   Above all, I praise you,, Lord for your Greatness and thank you for providing me the opportunity to live in a way that Glorifies your name...